Written by Ioanna Dimova, Psychologist and Psychotherapist. Partner with the Arkesis Mental Health Center
Parenthood is one of the most significant and profoundly transformative experiences in a person’s life. In addition to joy, love, and a sense of connection, parenthood is often accompanied by increased demands, responsibilities, and a constant effort to meet a child’s needs. Especially in today’s world, where parents are called upon to juggle multiple roles and high expectations, burnout can become a new reality.
Parental burnout does not stem from a lack of love for the child, nor does it mean that a parent is failing in their role. On the contrary, it often occurs precisely in people who try very hard, who invest emotionally, and who feel a strong sense of responsibility to be “good enough” for their children.
Constant caregiving with no room to breathe can gradually lead to physical and mental exhaustion, a sense of being disconnected from oneself, and a feeling that one has lost oneself within the role of a parent.
The guilt of needing time for myself
One of the most common feelings parents experience when seeking personal time is guilt. “Am I being selfish?”, “Shouldn’t I be more available?”, “My child needs me; I don’t have the right to rest.”
These thoughts are often linked to deeper beliefs about what it means to be a “good parent.” In many families, there is an unconscious belief that parental love is demonstrated through constant sacrifice and availability. Thus, personal time may be experienced not as a need, but as abandonment or indifference.
However, self-care is not at odds with caring for a child. On the contrary, it is a prerequisite for a more stable and meaningful relationship with the child.
A parent who recognizes their own needs, their limits, and their need for rest sends an important message to their child: that every person deserves care and that relationships can include both connection and individuality/self-care.
The Myth of the “Perfect Parent”
Modern
parenthood is often accompanied by the pressure to be perfect. Parents are bombarded with information about how they should raise their children, how they should communicate, what they should avoid, and how to respond to every need.
This constant effort to become the “ideal parent” can create internal pressure that leaves little room for human emotions, such as fatigue, anger, or the need for space.
In reality, children don’t need a perfect parent. They need a good enough parent—someone who can acknowledge their own emotions, ask for help when needed, and return to the relationship with greater emotional availability.
Recognizing one’s personal limits is not a weakness. It is a form of emotional maturity. After all, according to pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, there is no such thing as a “perfect mother”; there is only a “good-enough mother.” Based on this theory, a child does not need a perfect mother, but a mother who responds to the child’s needs in a balanced and manageable way!
The Importance of Differentiation in the Parent-Child Relationship
From a psychodynamic perspective, the parent-child relationship needs space so that both sides can exist as separate entities. Certainly, in the early years, the relationship is more fusional. Over time, however, it is important to recognize that parents, too, are people with needs. A parent does not cease to be a person with desires, interests, needs, and a personal identity simply because they have become a parent.
Becoming completely absorbed in the role can, in the long term, create difficulties for both the parent and the child. When a parent systematically neglects their own needs, feelings of bitterness, exhaustion, or alienation may arise.
Conversely, when a child sees a parent who takes care of themselves—who has interests and relationships beyond their role as a parent—they learn that love does not mean losing oneself. They learn that healthy relationships allow for both closeness and autonomy.
Summer as an Opportunity to Reconnect with Oneself
Vacations are often presented as a time for rest, but for many parents, they can be yet another period of increased demands. Constantly being with the children, the change in routine, and the effort to create “perfect” family moments can intensify the pressure.
Perhaps, then, summer offers an opportunity not only for family bonding but also for parents to reconnect with their personal space.
An afternoon alone, an activity they enjoy, or time spent with friends or their partner isn’t a departure from the family. It’s a way to return to the family with more energy and emotional presence.
Parental Care as Family Care
Parental care does not begin and end with meeting a child’s needs. It also includes caring for the person behind that role.
Allowing oneself to rest, ask for help, and acknowledge one’s own needs is not an act of selfishness. It is an act of self-care and an investment in the relationship with one’s child.
Because, ultimately, children don’t need parents who lose themselves in giving. They need parents who can be present, authentic, and connected—mindfully, first with themselves and then with their children!
